Sometimes Things Don't Go As Planned

Most of you already know that our plans to sign papers and meet Nate on Tuesday did not work out. There was a minor glitch to our paperwork and we had to get things in order before we could sign. Fast forward to now. We are headed to STAR tomorrow, or rather, later this morning.

I keep worrying that I will jinx myself or something. But I can't sleep. It's two in the morning and I can't sleep. I keep thinking of the moment that we'll get to see Nate for the first time. You know, it's a funny thing. When I went to bed Monday night and again when I woke up on Tuesday, I had a strange feeling that something wasn't going to go as planned. On the way to Buffalo Brent asked me if I was excited and I really wasn't. I was nervous. I thought that was a strange emotion for going to sign adoption papers and meeting Nate for the first time. But all the way there that's all I could feel.

Tonight it is different. For one thing, I have been running around like a chicken. I think I am nesting. I keep cleaning things and putting stuff away. I am actually cracking myself up. I just want to be ready in case, by some miracle, Nate is ready to be released tomorrow, (or really, later this morning.) I am not at all nervous now. Now I am just excited. I have that same anxious excitement that I can remember feeling as a little child on Christmas Eve. It is a good feeling. Much better than the nervousness of Tuesday. I have butterflies.

I tried to spend time with the kids today as much as possible. This is the last day that we are a family of four. Soon Brent and I will be outnumbered by little people. Tyler and Emmalee have no idea how their lives are about to change. I am really excited to see their reactions to Nate, especially Emma. She keeps talking about how she will kiss the new baby on his head and hold him really nicely. She is going to be a great big sister.

And, of course, I just hope and pray that I am not wrong. I really believe that in a few short hours, I will be holding my son for the first time. I thought this day would never come. I was beginning to wonder if it was all a dream. But it isn't. This is really going to happen. Miracles do happen and dreams really do come true. I can hardly wait!!